Daylight

Finally, the sun showed up. It was the force that has waken me up today even if I lacked sleep. I went to bed at 3am. Yet I slept later than this time. I couldn’t pacify my mind and body. They won’t simply rest.

Though my room has a very small window, less rays of sun pass through it, I still managed to get up as soon as the sun greeted me “good morning”. I’m a morning person by heart.

I should be accountable of my emotions. No one else could make me feel worse than my SELF.  I beat myself up by talking to it so negatively these past few days. (Well, that’s what I’m expert at. Hope you’re not.)

I’ve been thinking that I’m a stained glass. Something that has no worth since I’m cracked. Broken. Yet, that mentality is bad for my health. Why do I think heaven is beyond my grasp when what I just did was to love someone whose not worthy of it?

I wish to meet every single day with a renewed hope.  Today is that first day. This longing has not been planted in my heart if its not meant to be fulfilled.

Good morning,everyone.

Tedious Endlessness

What keeps running along my head? It’s about my life and how it affects others.

I feel so dizzy.

I feel so tired.

I feel so restless.

I feel insecure.

I feel left alone.

I feel my knees, they hurt so much.

I feel my nape, they make me fall asleep.

I want to stop teaching my previous students.

I actually want to end everything.

Why do I hold on?

What should keep me alive?

If I were to cause distress, pain, and disappointment for loving someone…

Why can’t I just die and disappear in this world?

What should make me value each day that passes by?

What should keep me hoping?

Do you still love me after what I did..?

Would I be lost forever?

Would you stop holding my hand?

Would I end up grasping no hands..?

Tons of similar questions of uncertainty…

Thousands of repetitive, destructive thoughts over-rule my mind.

Rest.

Stillness.

Silence within.

I badly needed.