I’ve felt being loved and unloved.
These two aren’t strange emotions. But I long for the kind of love that supplies my heart’s needs. A love that is consistent. A love that is not based on how I look or how I act.
I’m fond of listening to Natasha Bedingfield. She has this song entitled “Soulmate”.
“If there is a soulmate for everyone, why I’m on my own…?”
Why other people find their other halves when they need them the most and why can’t I? I don’t believe in perfect marriage, the hell, my parents are not in perfect union. They are totally opposite. I can’t even imagine how they fell in love with each other.
I don’t know but I sometimes feel I hate my Mom. She seems to be secretly promiscuous. She’s selfish. She doesn’t seem to really care about me and I feel so bad about that.
I don’t want to believe that she finally found her soulmate and that person, sadly, wasn’t my father.
I feel so cold. Really unnerving. I can’t think of ways to make things better for all of us. The worst part is, I feel like I am slowly becoming like her, I, too, am emotional and uncontrolled.
I’ve loved this guy for a long time but I never thought about ending up with him. He’s just the opposite of the ideal man I have in mind but he magnetized me like no other. In him, I am uncertain about my future, which seems to be distant. Should I miss the chance of loving for real for the hope that my true soulmate will come?
In this time of confusion, I have but one prayer, If there is one person intended for me, may he not come late…that I don’t even get the chance to talk with him and to walk with him for a few miles…
Let him be in safe and loving arms if he wouldn’t be mine. Same wish for myself.
